*Yawn*

This weekend was full of social obligations. Not that it was necessary for me to go to all of them, but as usual, I gave my word to go before realizing they all fell in the same weekend. At least it wasn't next weekend when I will have a research paper and a test staring me in the face. So what were the fun-filled activities that I had this weekend?

Friday- Dessert potluck. Well at least that was the main event. I spent my afternoon after class, shopping for a good Friend's surprise party (if he ever finds out how much I spent, he might have a small stroke) and playing Disney sing it and glee karaoke with my great friend from Witticisms While We Waltz. The dessert potluck was pretty fun. It was the first day I ate something without the annoying nausea. YAY! It was also a great night for people watching, my favorite hobby. Man, I wish I could get paid for that.

Saturday- Mary Kate and Ashley Movie Marathon. Yes, I spent 7+ hours of my life watching movies from my childhood. Get over it. I also did homework, so I was somewhat productive. I did redeem myself by watching the Star Trek movie. Yes, I'm a closet nerd. Also a really good event to do some people watching. Granted they were all girls, but sometime girls can be interesting, on rare occasions anyway.

Sunday- Surprise Birthday Party. Now how 13 people kept this a secret for a week and half is beyond me. Especially considering that they were mostly ballroom people. Let's face it, we can't keep our mouths shut about anything. There are a few secrets between some small groups, but tell someone outside of that and the whole group will know in less that 24 hours. We really know how to utilize that grapevine. Anyways, all went according to plan and was a pretty big hit if I do say so myself. Let's face it, when it comes to planning things I'm the goddess. At least that's what my party hat said last night. lol

How in the World?

I wish I knew how I got everything done this week. There was my birthday, which definitely had its pro and cons. The problem was the ensuing nausea that occurred after. The nausea that's still hanging around almost a week later. And it's only when I eat. We are talking the substantial amount you need to survive. The best part is that it's stopped coming back up, which has to be a sure sign that I'm getting a little better right?

On the much happier and brighter note, I bought three books this week, one of which I've already finished. The good thing about staying on top of homework and what not is that you actually do have more free time. How this happens is a mystery to me. I think it has something to do with the time space continuum or something of that nature.

So the question remains: how in the world did I get everything done that I needed to this week? I don't know. But it definitely leaves time for fun dinners with friends, Disney sing it with the princess and party planning. I think I might survive this semester after all :P

Um...it's a little chilly

It's so cold outside! I dressed for the 55 degree weather this morning, not the 13 degree drop and winds from the north that spontaneously appeared during the course of my hour and fifteen minute class. I know it's winter but jeez, this is TEXAS!! Any who, at least I'm done with class for the day. Now I have to contemplate whether I want to venture out into the Arctic and get my class packets.

Which brings me to another topic: classes. Here are the classes and what I think of them thus far:

Biomedical Genetics: While last semester totally kicked my butt, forcing me to drop the class before my GPR suffered, this semester looks like it will be a bit easier to follow. Probably due to the different professor.

Advanced Methods: Yet another statistic class for sociology. While it's supposed to be less calculation based and more application based, it still sounds like a crap class. Not to mention that the final paper in this class is the exact same as the final paper from my baby methods class. I guess that's what happens when they let a graduate student teach a class.

Behavioral Disorders of Children: The third and final psych class of my college career and is definitely going to prove interesting despite the fact that this class has 1 book and 4 class packets all of which at over $30. Not a fan of that.

Sociology of Sport: OK, I don't really know what to say about this one except: Is it really necessary to drop the F bomb 12 times in a single class?! I get the he's the professor and all, but if he's going to be the Harvard educated black man that he dresses to be, can he at least speak like it? The joys of a public institution I suppose. And don't let the name of the class fool you, it's not just about sports (which would be awesome and also a kine class). It's about society and how it affects sports........*snore*. But that's sociology for you, one big snooze fest.

Beginning of the End

Now that school has started up again things have been a lot less hectic...of course I won't be able to say that next week because things will get......well.....more hectic. Christmas break was awesome! All is well here. But the best part is that I had my last first day of class today! So I get to leave this great institution in May. I'm so ready to start the next phase of life, I'm having a little trouble concentrating on the present day.

Good grief I didn't realize how long it's been since I last posted. Things have been hectic here to say the least. and while things have been good on the outside, things have not been so inside. Since I don't have any followers, I don't really have to worry about any this getting around to the people I know.

I miss being me. I miss being the girl that sat at the lunch table by herself and just read books. I know that sounds terribly depressing but it's true. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. But I don't really feel comfortable telling them anything. In a circle like ours, things spread like wildfire and there are things that not everyone needs to know. I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I'm part of the group but not really a part. People need me when things falls apart but that's about it. When people are having problems is the only time they think to contact me. I guess in my increasingly cynical and pessimistic view of the world I still hold a sliver of the ideal. Why? I don't know.

I guess I could have written a smiley, happy post but I promised myself that if I wasn't honest anywhere else I would be here. No pretending here. Not like in life. Just the truth.

Dreams

What makes us believe that some dreams are impossible? That these dreams can never come true? Who told you that your dreams were unrealistic?

I have plenty of dreams that I want to accomplish. To travel. To sing more than karaoke. To be more than what I am. But most importantly to make a difference in the lives of the people around me. Not just any difference, but a positive one. I want to live people better than when I met them. I want to say things without my own words getting the best of me.

‎"It is a brave thing to have courage to be an individual; it is also, perhaps, a lonely thing. But it is better than not being an individual, which is to be nobody at all." ---Eleanor Roosevelt

Walls

Recently I had the opportunity to let go of some long held...thoughts I guess you could say. It was harder than I thought to trust somebody beyond the superficial. It felt amazing to let some of it go, but it is sooo hard to break down some of these walls that I've built down over the last few years. I've found walls that i didn't even know I had. It's frightening to be that vulnerable with people, even if they are really good friends. I think my deepest fear is once I let anyone get close enough to see how damaged I really am they'll leave. I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with that type of rejection. I've dealt with so much on the surface that I'm afraid that rejection will completely break me. How do I know that I can trust someone that implicitly? A majority of people have proven that they can't be trusted. They've either broken my trust directly or proven themselves untrustworthy indirectly. When there is so much manipulation and distrust in the world how do you let someone past the walls?