Balancing the Scales

I was looking at quotes the other day, which is something I do when I run out of interesting things to say on my facebook status, and I came across this one from Hubert Humphrey:

"Life's unfairness is not irrevocable; we can help balance the scales for others, if not always for ourselves."

It seemed like a good quote so I made it my facebook status. However, when I was on facebook earlier today, I read it. It has occurred to me that I have become increasingly me oriented as of late. I don't really know how or when it happened, but that's usually not a good thing. I end up on this 'poor me' stint. You know.....the one where you're like "life's so unfair" or "why can't I catch a break".....blah blah. Yeah, not a good thing. That quote reminded me that life sucks sometimes, big deal. You live, learn, move on, and pass on what you've learned to other people. That's how you help balance the scales for others. You pass on what you've learned from previous life experiences so others don't have to go through what you've been through.

Profound? Insightful? not really. Just a reminder that we can cushion the blows of life's unfairness for others. Who knows...if everyone helps another person, someone might just help balance the scales of your life once in a while.

Pain......

So I figured I would write about something that's difficult to put into words: Pain.

Yeah, we all know how it feels, but usually we are at a lost for words when it comes to telling someone else about it. That's pretty ironic, considering that there are at least 20 different words to say pain. There's anguish, ache, agony, hurt.....you get the picture. The thing is each of these words paint a different picture, a different aspect or angle of pain.

Right now there is so much pain around me. It's not necessarily my pain, but the pain of others. This type of pain is felt more acutely by the heart. There's the pain of heartbreak, of disappointment, of causing pain to someone else. I wish I could take the pain of the people around me and sometimes I think I do without realizing it. At least a little of it. Mix that in with pain of my own and life seems a little bleak. It feels like all the happiness has gone out of the world and my job is to bring it back even though I don't feel it myself. As long as others around me are happy...right? The problem with that is that I wish someone would ask once in a while if I'm ok. Not happy. Just ok. Because right now, I'm not ok. The funny thing is no one can see it because they are wrapped in their own cocoon of pain or anguish or hurt. I've always been the one to smile and make others laugh when they're down, but the other day I found myself trying to make myself laugh so I wouldn't worry a friend. You know that you've reached the ultimate in masochistic behavior when you're hurting, but you're so afraid of worrying those around you that you hide it.

Constancy of a Dream

Is this a dream that has graced my thoughts? Or is it a nightmare in disguise? I pray that it is a dream because I have come to embrace it. I have blindly embraced it with no questions asked. Granted, that probably isn’t the most intelligent thing to do. But I could not stop the comforting arms that lulled me to sleep. When I awoke, I no longer knew dreams from reality. It doesn’t matter. I will be happy in this place. This place-where smiles are constant and laughter is common. This place-where pain and despair are the subjects of fictional stories. I cannot wish to stay here. It is not a proper wish. How can we know happiness in the absence of sadness? How can we know joy in the absence of pain? How can we understand what we have gained if we cannot see what we’ve lost? No, I can’t stay here. This is not life. It is death. This dream is death because it is static. It never moves. That is the constancy that will surely kill me. I can’t stay here. I won’t stay here. I will break the spell of this dream with reality. I refuse to end my life with the static of constancy.